Ooh, Maybe a Meat Slicer.

Christmas time! Happy Holidays!

I love this time of year. Full stop.

There are, however, a couple people in my life for whom getting a gift is difficult. I’m sure everyone’s got a least one of those. It’s particularly difficult when that person is a spouse. See, I’m easy, I think. I’m particularly fond of my kitchen, my Xbox, and my PS4. A new video game, a new controller, a new green plastic spoon…

But She is tough. When you ask Her what She wants, She’ll say stuff like “an uncluttered house” or “cats without bladders”. I’m a dude, tell me something shiny. I’m not clever enough to wrap an uncluttered house.

I fancy myself a skilled gift-giver. I can usually find something awesome to give someone. But even the best need to coast once in a while. And those are the times when I seriously start considering calling our vet to inquire about feline debladderification because I’m sure that’s a thing.

She doesn’t really have any hobbies that require tools or supplies, She can’t wear earrings, She did tell me there’s this vacuum She wants (but I will not do that. I’d live in squalor before I did that, it’s almost a war crime). She does like video games, but anything I’d get Her in that department would carve into MY video game time, and that simply will not do. She likes the food I make so maybe I could get Her that new immersion blender I’ve been eyeing…

Every Thanksgiving, my siblings and I draw names for Christmas gifts. While I dodged a bullet and did not draw Her name, thus doubling my conundrum, I did draw my brother-in-law. For me, he is almost as difficult. See, he’s a dude, and likes shiny things. He’s clever and is a man of many interests. Sounds perfect right? Except that where I’d go nuts over a custom Dual Shock controller or a knife with a heavy bolster and a full-length tang, he’d go nuts over a thing that saws or tightens stuff.

But this year, I think I scored. Riffing on advice from his wife, my sister, I think I scored. “Go ahead T, ask me what I got you…”

“Hey T,” (not brother-in-law, though his name also starts with T. I mean sister T. No, the other one.)

“Hey T, did he ask?”
I’m going to assume he asked.

“I’m not going to tell you.”

So I’m finished with his gift. On December the Fifth, I am finished with Brother-In-Law’s gift. I think I’ll make that a new sub-holiday.

One of the things I love about The Boys at Christmastime is that they know there are a few things that will be wrapped and under the tree for them that are wrapped and under the tree every year. And those are some of their favorite things. They’re practical and not at all shiny, but I think The Boys love them most of all. We’ve still got some of that to take care of, but other than that, we’ve got them pretty well wrapped up as well.

Which is good. That will allow me to focus on Her. Man, I wish She loved to bake, or embroider, or bedazzle, or do carpentry. It would be awesome if She loved glass-blowing, or metal-working, or cobbling. Then it’d be so easy. Then I could get Her a hammer, or some leather.

Maybe an immersion blender? Let’s not rule that out just yet.

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