“This is bleak,” I thought. I was sitting on the edge of the weight bench, sweating and fully, painfully, aware of how out of shape I was. I was looking at the amount I was being asked to lift, repetitively, by my new worst-ever friend.
See, She and I have decided to employ the services of a personal trainer. Yes, I’m now paying a guy about half my age to yell at me and make me do stuff that I don’t want to do.
Like lifting weights. I get the point, and yeah, it’s great that I’m getting off my ass and doing something that’s good for me. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Lifting weights is boring. Getting healthy sucks. And besides, working out makes me want to eat butter, so isn’t it something I should avoid?
So I’m looking at the weight assigned to me. I’m supposed to lift it 10 times, in a row. What sucked was not that he was telling me to lift an amount that I didn’t think I could manage, it was the realization of where I existed on the fitness spectrum.
I was being asked to lift the bar. No additional weight, just the bar.
So I did it, 10 times, and it was really easy. I showed him, right?
Nope, he had some kind of nefarious plan. “Alright,” he said. “Now add 20 to each side.”
What? That equals 40 pounds! Does he know that? Okay then. So I lift that, and still pretty easy. “Good. Now 20 more.”
“So 10 on each side, right?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“Of course not,” he answered. “20 each.”
I hate you…
Now it’s getting tough, and I’m sweating, a lot. But I get it done, super-pleased that it was all over.
“10 more,” he said. “Each.”
I think he’s a murderer…
While this is all happening, She’s on the other side of the small gym, grappling with a similar task. While I keep wrestling with the ever-growing amount of weight I’m expected to repeatedly and pointlessly lift over my head, our trainer is pacing between the two of us.
TRAINER TO WIFE: “Great, now add 5 more to each side.”
WIFE: …
WIFE: …
WIFE: …
TRAINER: “Don’t you give me that look.”
She’s the best. And maybe if she keeps antagonizing him, I’ll become the favorite…
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