Some time ago, I’m pretty sure it was before I was born, humans started using words to communicate. I’m very sure that a few minutes later, some asshole gave some other poor asshole a “piece of advice”. I’m certain it was very wise and not at all a myopic, semi-autobiographical humble-brag.
Upon receiving unsolicited advice I’m usually like, “Sure thing Charlie Brown’s Teacher, I’ll turn left at I Wasn’t Listening because you’re right, I absolutely can’t pass up the Museum of Crap That Only You Collect.” That having been said, some of my most cherished Righteous Truth McNuggets come from unsolicited advice. Hell, half the time my Father-In-Law spoke to the younger me he should’ve been carrying a mic, because it needed dropping. On the final approach to Our wedding day, She, he and I had been talking about our moving to the midwest. He was excited for us to go, which I didn’t realize then just how brave and selfless that was. He explained that one of the things that made his and my Mother-in-law’s marriage so strong was so often finding themselves with no one else. They became a team. A Legion of Two.
Last month I attended the beginning of a new marriage. I’d put on pants. And socks. And shoes that weren’t Chuck Taylor’s. We drove down to my sister and brother-in-law’s farm and in the 90 degree heat watched my cousin get married.
She was beautiful. Poised and certain. He was focused and excited, and looked at her as if it didn’t matter how any of it went down, as long as it did. There was no Uncle Fill-in-the-blank creating a #MeToo moment. There was no Aunt Never Met Her Before swooning when the Best Man said “Bullshit” during what was a very touching speech. It was, actually, perfect.
When She and I were driving down to the wedding, She asked what we should write in The Card. I think I said, “Rock On.” Weird. Stupid. At least “Never order the fish on Monday” is useful, but given my reluctance to give unsolicited advice, “Rock On” is what popped into my head. Thankfully, that is NOT what She wrote in the card.
What I should’ve said, what I hope was written is: Be kind to one another, and assume positive intentions. Talk, all the time. If you don’t know what each other wants, dreams, or hopes, you’re not talking enough. Cherish your Inside Jokes, they’re evidence of a shared life. Don’t sweat the everyday irritations and arguments. If they don’t exist it’s because you aren’t paying close enough attention. But most of all, be into one another. Be excited by and for one another.
So anyway…
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