This is the Year of The Wedding. For obvious reasons, I’ll be thinking a lot about marriage this year…
We’re all familiar with Semantic Satiation, when you repeat a word often enough that it loses meaning, becomes unfamiliar. Marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage,
Yep, there it is. Lost it.
I’m probably going to end up needing an action-movie training sequence pretty soon. Where I get broken down, only to be rebuilt better, stronger, faster. In the coming months I’ll be pummeled and beaten by so many things I’m uncomfortable with. Being a good host, meeting new people, planning stuff, informing people that stuff is planned, doing stuff that we’ve planned, public speaking.
Maybe I’ll need a theme song…
She and I have been married about 29 years. We’ll be in our 30th year of marriage when The Wedding drops. So what do I know about marriage? The state of being married…
Hmm. Marriage…
Anyone?
Anyone?
Fine. I’ll start with something perhaps really controversial. Corinthians 13, in my humble opinion, is not a good choice for a wedding. You all know the one: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
They’re pretty words for sure, but inspirational? Aspirational? Doubtful. Maybe, but I don’t see it.
It seems fanciful, unattainable. That verse to me has always sounded like a Finish Line. The reward at The End. Perhaps traditionally, religiously, that’s it’s point. But a wedding is a Starting Line. The beginning of the real work. One line though, does work for me. Hopes All Things. Yes, that one’s right. The rest of it however, doesn’t really. In the sphere of marriage, all the other things are negotiable, ephemeral, fragile. Love can be impatient AND unkind. At times it is boastful and envious. Certainly selfish, arrogant or rude. And most importantly, to my mind, it cannot bear all things or endure all things. It can end. And that’s what I like about it. Marriage isn’t a gift, it’s not a cozy chair to sink into. It’s a challenge, a dare, a purpose.
I like to think of marriage as something delicate, requiring help. It’s not a stone castle, implacable and adamant. It’s a tent. It’ll provide us shelter only as long as we hold it’s poles steady. We’ve got to put in the hard work or it’ll just blow away. And that’d be because of us. Good, or bad, it’d fail because of us. It’s our project, our responsibility.
And the prize? I get to know, everyday, that the tent still stands because She’s on the other side of it, holding onto those tent poles as tenaciously as I am.
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