I’ve never had a job that required a tie, much less a suit. I think in the industry I chose, a tie would’ve negatively impacted my credibility. The tattoos and Chuck Taylor’s were sufficient enough to establish my bona fides.
When I put on a suit, I inevitably feel like a poser. Whether I look good or bad in a suit is immaterial. It feels…wrong. I’m aware that I’m wearing something that is unusual. Feels weird, looks weird.
But I can tie a pretty wicked Double Windsor, so there’s that.
In October, I’m going to have to wear a suit, and I’m going to have to stand up and say words to 200 people while in said suit. I’m going to fall apart. It’ll be hilarious.
I’ll be a blubbering, babbling train wreck in suit. With a tie tied in a sharp Double Windsor.
What will I say about marriage, about relationships?
Surely I’ll say “Don’t go to bed mad.”
Nope, kidding. That’s stupid advice, and an unimaginative cliché. Of course you’ll go to bed mad at each other sometimes. We all do, and I believe if you say otherwise you’re kidding yourself. She and I have gone to bed angry, or frustrated, or annoyed many, many times. Oh, so many times. Usually, we wake up realizing how dumb it all was, or we talk it out in the light of a new day. Tired people arguing is a recipe for disaster. It takes so much diligent, constant concentration for me to not say mean things when I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, imagine the towering effort it would take to not do so exhausted. Seriously, every time I open my stupid mouth, mean or sarcastic (or just unwise) things are probably about to fall out of it.
So go ahead, go to bed mad. Just don’t be a dick about it later.
So what do I say…?
Ok, here’s something.
There can never be too much of the small things. They fill in the spaces around the big things. Here’s a secret peek into the male lizard brain: We think your hair looks great, and we love that your fingernail polish matches your socks or whatever, we just think saying it is embarrassing. Because we’re apes.
It’s the small things. The little gestures. Actually tell them they look handsome or pretty. Say the words man. When you go to the store, buy something small and silly that will surprise them, or bring them a moment of joy. If they told you they’d empty the dishwasher in the morning, do it before you go to bed. If they ask what you want to watch, tell them “Bridgerton” or “the hockey game.” (Obviously you won’t enjoy it.) Tape a note to the mirror, or their laptop screen. Send a stupid, loving, and hopefully inappropriate gif (a personal favorite). Start their car to warm it up for them. Make them lunch. People like lunch, and they like to not think about making lunch.
The small things, they fill in those spaces around the big things. They show you care all the time, not just the important times, not just the big times.
Maybe I’ll say something about that. Or maybe I’ll just stand there stammering and sweating and wearing a tie.
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